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from Sam's Ramblings

I have completely checked out of reality the past several months.

Not much has changed since then. I quit my old job and got a new one. I work from home now. I like it so much I never want to go back to an office.

Since I disappeared, where did I go? Nowhere.

I've felt completely burnt out from everything I did for the nearly 2 years I was around for a long time. Honestly, I still feel that way. For the first and only time in my life, I can confidently say that Drew DeVault was right about something. (the inherent toxicity of the fediverse [and most “social media”]) Social media delenda est. No one will listen anyway.

I've barely had the motivation to do anything outside of what I need to do to survive. My few things that could be called “projects” have stagnated. And that's fine. No one uses them anyway.

It's fine. Everything is fine. I'm (not) fine. Not that it matters anyway.

I've already disappeared. I've already done what I wanted. That's all I wanted anyway.


from Sam's Ramblings

I, like most of my cohorts, have decided to shut down our Pleroma/Akkoma/whatever the fuck instances down. I, personally, don't want it to be permanent but for some of my closest friends it is. While saddening, it came almost entirely as expected. *oma is horrible software written in a horrible language by horrible people that was not fun to poke around in trying to fix. The fediverse was fun once, and then just stagnated. Doesn't help that many of them (if you're reading this, I'm not talking about you) are genuinely insufferable.

It's sad to see anyone or anything go. It's even more sad when the reasons why someone goes completely make sense. It's awful that it had to end like this, but it was going to happen sooner or later. I doubt anything new will save us either, bluesky is still completely centralised and it's run by a different breed of garbage people. While them actually getting paid for their work definitely will bring higher quality work, the reference implementation relies on AWS and is currently nowhere near actually usable by anyone other than the select few they invite. Maybe I'll be wrong. I don't have my hopes up. is closed until further notice. I do plan on bringing it back if and only if all this blows over, maybe as just the API for archival and XMPP purposes. I'm shutting it down for multiple reasons: solidarity with my friends, a recent complete lack of interest, a dislike of a stagnant community full of infighting, and a lack of time. Nothing else will go away anytime soon. I have no plans to get rid of anything else.

If, for some reason, any of you want to contact me, I will still be on Matrix, discord, email, XMPP, and basically everything else I was on too. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe we'll meet again. Don't know where. Don't know when. But we'll meet again, some sunny day.

So long, and thanks for all the fish, Sam

PS: I have decided to archive all of my git repos involving the fediverse. I will unarchive them if I ever come back. I have 0 plans on ever deleting them.


from Sam's Ramblings

or, how does it keep getting worse?

I don't even know what to say. I barely have the motivation to get out of my bed most days. For what, anyway? Another boring day at the job I completely and utterly despise but cannot quit? A weekend where I spend most of it doing absolutely nothing? Exactly.

Burnout, part Infinity

Interacting with anyone doesn't even cross my mind. Doing anything seems preposterous. Trying to be productive ends in my crippling anxiety showing back up. Attempting to have fun results in the feeling of nothing. Why bother being around anyone when you're going to drag them down? Exactly.

I haven't been taking care of my body. I've probably gained weight. I probably look like a gremlin to anyone that had the misfortune of seeing me. I've gotten sick again (the week I didn't have to go to that stupid shithole of an office was the best I've felt since the last time I got sick). Why bother if I don't even care? Exactly.


Do you, the person reading this, need to know any of this? No. You don't need to know that I'm horribly depressed and refuse to do anything to do about it. If you're in the same situation, you are not alone. Please, go get help.

I'm just venting. Screaming into the void. Ignore it, it's for the better. I'm not going to post anything positive here, because that is not the kind of person I am.


from Schizophrenia

Where have you been? It's alright, we know where you've been

Schizophrenia below, please ignore.

What is the Machine?

The Machine is everything. The Machine is all-consuming. It would be better to ask what the Machine isn't. The Machine turns everyone into a cog for the Machine. The cogs only exist to further the Machine. The Machine knows this, the cogs are expendable. The Machine knows cogs don't need personality. The Machine knows cogs don't need independent thought. Cogs serve one purpose: keep the Machine alive.

The Cogs

Cogs don't last forever, so the Machine needs to replace them. How does the Machine replace cogs? Simple: it forges new ones. The youth of the world are shaped by the Machine to become cogs. These cogs will go onto propagate the Machine for another generation, before recruiting a new generation of cogs to join in their places. Without new cogs, the Machine will break. The Machine knows this. The Machine goes to great lengths to make sure that it cannot collapse.

Is there an Escape?

No, you cannot escape the Machine. The Machine knows where you are. The Machine knows what you want. The Machine knows what you have. The Machine knows how to distract you. The Machine knows how to break you. The Machine knows that you dislike the Machine. The Machine is not afraid of you. The Machine cannot be afraid of you, it's not a real thing. Right?

Living with the Machine

Can one live in the Machine without becoming a faceless cog? Can one live in the Machine without helping it continue its destruction? Can one live in the Machine and remain sane? Will the Machine outlive modernity? Or, is modernity the Machine?

No one will know. Is there a life beyond the Machine? No one will know.