The Art of Disappearing Completely
So you feel like disappearing? Well, follow our simple guide and you too can vanish from the world!
The first step of disappearing completely seems to be simple: have no one care if you're gone.
As soon as that happens, congratulations! You're gone. But, it typically doesn't happen like that. There's usually someone that cares when you're gone. Even if you don't think so, you're most certainly wrong. I know this from experience.
So what's the contingency plan? Well, we here at Froth Blogs have one, the effectiveness is still under scientific testing.
The Froth™ Process, only four steps!
First things first, make sure to minimize the number of people who care about you. Those with no presence will find this easier than the less fortunate. This plan is untested if you do have a presence.
Second, slowly begin to fade out and back in. Making it a pattern will eventually cause people to stop worrying about you because it's seen as normal. This is what you want. You cannot disappear completely if others still care about you.
Third, if you have anyone that really cares about you, would be to push them away. Do anything you can to make them want you gone. There are many ways to do this step and almost all of them involve hurting them, so tread lightly.
Fourth, repeat Steps Two and Three several times, and eventually you will become so insufferable no one will notice when you finally fade from existence. This might have to be repeated three to five times depending on your situation, YMMV.
Now what?
Congratulations on pushing everyone away! You have gotten really good at it, haven't you? How many groups of people have you done this to now? The count doesn't matter anymore. The question is: now what? What can you do after disappearing?
- Do you just find another community to drift in and out of?
- Do you finally act on that feeling that's been bothering you for several years?
- Do you simply do nothing?
- Maybe actually be productive in your life?
this will never happen, but it's fun to pretend it might.
This guide was not designed to answer those questions. Please refer to So You're Having Yet Another Existential Crisis for no Reason, 31st Edition, available at your local bookstore (that is, if you could ever leave your apartment/house in the first place)
Success Stories
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