Absolutely Nothing

Please do not read this this is nothing in the strongest sense of the word. Or do, it's your time after all ;)

When you cycled by Here began all my dreams The saddest thing I've ever seen And you never knew How much I really liked you Because I never even told you Oh, and I meant to Are you still there or have you moved away?

- The Smiths, “Back to the Old House”

Aside: this has become one of my favourite lyrics. It has that Smiths melancholy in just the perfect amount. Plus regret is always easy to connect to. Most people has at least something they regret, even if they don't want to admit it.

~ Brief Self-Indulgent Musings on Time ~

There's something both elegant and ominous about time. Something about it continuously going on and on just fascinates me for reason I cannot comprehend. It's one of many things that has and needs no explanation. It just happens. Why does time tick? Who knows. More importantly, who cares? Is it important to find out why? No.

Since immortality will likely not be a thing for anybody before the world caving in the question then arises: how does one maximize their time they have? That question definitely has no right answer. It can't. How would one even minmax life? At least in my mind the next question is a simple alternative again with no answer: how can you maximize both now and the future?

It depends on who you are, probably. Some people like making others happy, others themselves. Some people will work until they die, some will avoid work to the best of their abilities. People are different. It's both humanity's defining feature and weakness (something something human instrumentality).

Did you think I'd never know? Never wise up as I grow?

- Tame Impala, “Posthumous Forgiveness”

The past couple of months has left me severely burnt out. I don't feel like doing anything. I leave my apartment twice a week to bowl* and that's about it. I do the bare minimum for my classwork, and I'm probably just going to drop the classes I don't need so I can finally finish my undergrad. One of the best rash decisions I made was basically run away for a week and go back home to my parents' house, free of all responsibilities and the crushing weight of my fear: the job market.

I wish death upon every recruiter. I could go on forever, but I'm not going to. It sucks, but I've realized I'm only in a minor hurry. My parents helped by at least giving me some leeway before leaving me to the hounds so that definitely helps.

~ What I've been doing ~

You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

- Pink Floyd, “Time”

Like I mentioned, I've been severely burnt out, so motivation is hard to come by. Many of the things I've done are by looking at things, thinking “hey, that looks cool” and probably hosting them because I have a problem**.

I enjoy it even if no one besides me uses them. It allows me to learn random shit about [GNU/]Linux and occasionally I find cool things along the way, like being able to cross compile things on different architectures without actually running them***. It makes me feel better, especially when someone else actually uses something that I've made. It makes me feel accomplished.

Overall I don't think I've changed much over the months, but that probably isn't a bad thing. Probably.


* [10 pin] Bowling is fun. It gets my mind off of things and lets me relax. I average in the 110-130 range but have very slowly gotten better.

** It's not even a complete list please send help

*** The machines running the CIs of git.freecumextremist.com and git.froth.zone now support this, so you can run many architectures instead of just x86_64.